Tuesday, February 02, 2010

the challenge

I've been complaining about things to my Dr.s for a couple years now.

they keep doing blood tests. they keep telling me that everything is normal. i would guess that everything is not normal when every visit, with every Dr. ever starts with "your neck is huge!"
and then the tests are normal, and they put of my complaints to the fact that clearly i am lying about my diet and exercise. its understandable. everyone lies. and everyone lies to the Dr. and most likely themselves about these things, in particular.

i have never been skinny. I was trim in high school- before i got sick, and spent a semester lying on the couch drinking soda, because it was the only thing that didn't hurt my throat.
after college i started playing soccer again. i got my weight down a bit and was happy.
and then, it started to creep back.... slowly at first... but then it just wouldn't stop. i don't sleep well, i have problems breathing and I'm ALWAYS hot. i have gained 60 pounds, most of it in a 2 year span.
it was finally recommended that I see a specialist.
They looked at my numbers and couldn't believe i hadn't been being treated for an under active thyroid. Actually it's the first time i have had a positive experience at a Dr.s office in as long as i can remember.
an under active thyroid means that my metabolism isn't working right. [I've never had a fast one to begin with.]

So. Starting soon, I will be medicating- hoping to get things working right again and hopefully get my self back to a healthier weight.

I'm very self conscious of it. I feel the stairs of people i haven't seen in a while. I wonder who is judging me. I am happy to have a supportive husband, who is very good at saying all the right things. and i try to remember, that, despite what is reflected on the outside, i know that i am trying and i hope it will finally show.

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