Thursday, September 28, 2006

its intresting how you can look back on something and most offten will remember one thing specifically.
usually i can remember eaither, actions but not conversations- maybe one phraise, but the rest.. i know something was there.. but i remember everything else instead... or i remember a conversation in full but not what was going on or anything from arround the conversation.

DAM- thats mono chromatic

it is intresting how some thigns in life can take you totally by supprise- weather you had ever thought aoubt them or not, or even anticipated their happenings- they still take you, totally, compleatly unawribly by supprise.

on further note- the nwe DAM addition, was supprisingly uncrowded last night for its member preview opening. a little to monochromaitic and overly simplistic on its interior design, i have to say my favorite part was the stair well. the stairwell circles upward through the middle of the addition- very angular- w/ an instalation of LED changing number lights, in the center of round mirros the size of smallish dinner plates- that are set into the walls all the way up.
though there was even more negitive space than i had anticipated... i am glad i wasnt the drywaller.

Monday, September 25, 2006


when i listen to music i haer it 2 ways..
1- as a sound, the tune, and that conjurs moods and colors and soforth.
2- when you know the words, then you can hear the words. its intresting. they ar suddenly distinguishable.

for exampl i have been listining to BNL latly. and the song "when i fall" has been stuck in my head.. and when i first started listining to it, i tohught, "this would be a grat song to dance to"... but then i started looking at the words.. and it was a differnt song than i had anticipated. now when i hear it, i still think about dancing. but i have a mental fight over wearther this is the right image for the song to convey to me.

as it stands... i'm sticking w/ the first. its so hard for me to distinguish more than a few words... i can keep the origional feeling w/ it.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

why must i title things? i hate titling things.


i hate comming up w/ title.s at school i always just to call what ever i had written, for every class "paper"

intrestlingly enough i like to name things. everything... cars, plants uh.. i dontknow.. pretty much everything else. but not written things. maybe because they are supposed to be whitty, or something, andi'm pretty sure i rarly say anything whitty. where as other random objects do not need whitty titles. good storys aoubt the naming maybe, but thats all.

it is so very hard to want thnings very much, but to also know that once you have what you think you want, you would most likly have an upsetting reaction.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


only the IT guys got it.


now you can translate it all!

Monday, September 18, 2006

talk like a pirate day

just a reminder to all ya'll,
Sep. 19th is talk like a pirate day.


Sunday, September 17, 2006

romantic comidies aka chick flicks

aka wishfull thinking.

i believe the reason women like romantic comidies and other such ciniema productions- is because, in a romantic comedy everything goes right in the end, and the girl finds that one special person that is not only perfect for her- but who loves her deeply.

all women cling to the hope that at some point in their lives this exact same thing will hapen for them. they will met a person that they click w/ on numerious levels, but who chalenges them to be more and be better. that compleating person who loves them for everthing that they are.
the reason men should agree to watch romantic comidies is because you can learn from this screen character some basic goods and bads. now i'm sure the reson alot of men avoide these movies is because they believe that they will have to be evverything that this character is and that they will never live up to this ideal. its hard to say what exactly they should be picking out of the movie that will make there girl happy. and thats an entirely differnt discuassion. alot of times she wil be happy that you wanted to see it w/ her at all.

its intresting. i enjoy having my picture takn, but never like how i look in photos. all girls want to be pretty. maybe not sexy [well that too, but on a differnt level], but they all want to be pretty. society tells us that we have to be just so to be pretty. i often am very happy w/ how i lok in the mirror. but once i leave the house i louse all confidence. some times i think i am pretty. but usually i just think i am average. not ugly but not "pretty" not in a stand out way. though intrestlying enough i find that when i do see the girls who fit the magazeen "pretty" on the street, i am un intrested and wonder what it is aobut them that makes them so special. i see so many other women who dont fit the standards, and who i think prolly think the same things about their selves that i think aobut me- but i find them absoutly beautiful and intresting.

but i ask this. in movies, people meet inline at the target and then bump into each other agin at the coffee shope and then they have a date and everything is wonderfull. how does this work in real life? i saw this hot guy buying alieve at the target tonight. in movie land he would have asked why i was buying an ace bandage, and then we would have had a sports/ injuries conversation. and be meting after work in a few days. in real life?: be found alieve, and then wandered off.
i dont know why i bring this up. im not looking. ithink even if the oppertunity came up, i'm really not ready to move on... at least not in that direction. for now i am trying to fill some emptyness. in emptnes there is lust. but even that is fleeting. fleeting and ill wanted.

Saturday, September 16, 2006


those that know me, know i have a vintage jacket collection.
my most recent addition is a vintage Lloys of denver Persian Lamb, trimmed in something [mink?.. or something]
this jacket is worth at least $200 i would guess more like $400 in a quality vintage store. i picked it up for $35

i have wanted one of these for a long time. and recently looked at one for $350. yeah.

car accident

tim and i were in a car accident last night. were fine.
the short of the story is, a girl decided to turn right from the middle lane in front of us- we were in the right lane.
did more damage to my car than hers. i will be looking into getting it all repaired. o boy.

the cop was a jeark. but we learned that- in denver, if you are in an accident, and there are no whitnesses, and both parties tell a differnt story. then they dont write anyone a ticket.


Friday, September 15, 2006


i drove past this church sign today that read:

free mp3 bibles! come inside for yours today


Thursday, September 14, 2006


so some things have changed in that last few days and some things have not.
one oppertunity opened up- but in a closing sort of way. and agin i find myself in a simalr position as i have before. when the chance to make a change comes up, no matter how much i want to make that change, i want to not make it even more.
i am terrified of this change. and that bad things it may come. i have a tendency to become very attached to things, so moving away from them, even if i am un happy and even if it means growing up, i most likly will push against it.

part of me knows its time to take that final step in growing up. and alot more of me wnats to hang on to alot of wonderfull things that i feel i am sure to louse in the process. in the past some of this was easyer because i had a stable body to leand on and rely on. but now, i really dont. that stable body is much more spradic, and i dont ever seem to have it the amount of time i would like to.
making this change means growing up, which i'm ready to do. but i also see myself spiriling nastly into depression. which i really dont feel like doing- given the choice.

how does one over come this and many other fears. so many other people seam to move through this part of their life more seamlessly. and rather enjoy it. i think i would too if i felt like ther was some one to share it with. i have never liked being alone. maybe its because i am an only child, i strive for that contenious attention and person to spend time w/. also because ihave gone through periods where i did actually have friends, and all in the general vacinity, and i liked it. i dont need alot. just one or two people.

how does one find strength in their self?

Saturday, September 09, 2006

some pics

these are old. but really i look the same.

one is a painting i did in highschool.
and the other is just a good pic of me. i realized that i never posted one before.

and the other is my vespa. so now. there you go. you should check it out. a favorite site of mine for quite some time. i suggest starting in "regretible food" and moving on to ... well, on to everything else in the site. if you have been there before but not sor a while, there are some new things.

i very much like the 40s, 50s and 60s... for various reasons. some of it was the overall plasticity of it- the american dream and everything being peachy keen- and yet the dark underlayering of family dynamics and everything else that was going on in a country that was hurling forward through more movements than it wanted but needed to. so movies to see: october sky, mona lisa smile, godsford park [set in the 30s, but faboulous cloths and all around beautiful film.], the hours, far from heaven. i am sure there are many others, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.

i tryed to find the CD by Eagle Eye Cherry last night... and could not. there was a song that came out our freshman yr. of highschool, that i really liked, but never had. i heard it again the other day and thought "i havent bought a CD in 5 or 6 years, maybe i should buy a new one." i am also lokoing for the LP from The Descendents that came out a few years ago- they had a song that, i'm not sure what the actual title is but something to the something close to "all i want to do is do nothing with you" it was our song in both a good and bad way.

tonight. i want to do nothing but be w/ you.

i dont think i'v ever really had a "song" w/ anyone i dated, but that was as close as it ever got.

maybe its a girl thing but i always wished that [well the guy you are dating, or wish to date, or something] would say "this song makes me think of you" or something to that extent. i told him once that Jack Johnsons Banana Pancakes made me think of him.. he hadent heard it so i played it for him. he was offinded and mad and al he said was "i hate acustic guitar. you know that" honestly i had forgoten that, or as least didnt think he hated it that much. and really it had nothing to do w/ the fucking acustic guitar, it was what the song was aobut. but as usual. i tryed to explain it and he thought it was stupid. silly me and my stupid ideas.
anyway... were going to just back away from that rant. but a song i think is horribly [romantic] (god i hate that word, just makes me cringe, but i use it for lack of a better one.) is BNLs If I Had A Million $$. really, its very sweet.
i re wrote some of it the othernight for my self.. i replaced the monkey w/ a vespa, and the green dress w/ a red side car, becase i really would like a green dress, but not a real red side car- that'd be cruel. i kept the tree house. and went for a house in the country. replaced kraft dinner w/ a washer and dryer- now we just wash more! and i tryed to replace "picasso or a garfunkle" with ""a Higgins or a Remington" but it didnt work so well.

when i origionaly started looking at colleges i wanted to be an illustrator, do childrens books. i am now thinking that if i were to go back for a masters it would be for Illustration. i would, one day like to say that i had some drawsings published in a story. currently i find jow in seeing prints that i have made and screen prints appearing on cloths that willl be in stores with in a year. i will try to have 1 of everything.. at least some of the more impresive things, fo a kind of port folio. and its is very exciting to see things you have done in mas production.

the pashion fruit slerpie is great, so run out and get one. but be carefull they try to excape.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


did you see that moon last night????

it was pink! and then later it was sherbit orange! and then this mornign i was ridign to work during sun up and it was covered enough by clouds that it was brihgt neon orangie red, w/ pink clouds surrounding it. very amazing.

we saw spaceballs on the jumbo screen last night. bout the same price as bowling. it was good shit.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


in honer of Ben i took photos of my beer tonight. mainly because i can never remamber what it is i'v had to drink, and also because there are a few of you who are wildly excited aobut beer.

this was the first one: which is for some reason on top of the post, but o well.... you are supposed to be able to see that is says: Out of Bounds Stout by Avery. i took a few sips in the bottle, thought it wasnt bad. so i poured it for a photo op. man.. very bitter, did not like it in a glass.
so i swaped my dad for the ever favorite: wood chuck dark and dry.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


i took broadway all the way through boulder tonight- from the far north end. its an intresting phomonon. larger properties that look like cut down farms and houses... could be anywhere, then al of a sunden BAM. aobut 3 block from Pearl St. your hit w/ serious Boulderness.

driving down 93 tonight as dusk fell across the mountains i could see the grass blowing in waves accorss the rolling his untill they meet the foothills, on the other side, glimpses through the flat irons of the lights of the metro area sprawll.

Monday, September 04, 2006


i seam to have lost my intrest in... well everything.

i used othave creative ideas running out my ears, but now not so much. [i think i may have wrotten some of this bfor, but owell] i am half way through 3 boks w/ no intrest in finishing any of them. the first one is Wicked. i made it aobut half way and just cannot seam to pick the book up again. its just...bad. compleatly un intresting un compleing, nothing so far makes me want to find out what happends. the second is called.... something.. written in the 40s i think aobut a man who leaves france w/ his family to move back to the ozarks to the family farm and make a liveon the land- The Good Earth, i tink its called... i'm about a quater of the way in. usually this is a book i would enjoy, very much. bt i cannt seem to get into it. the third is The Book Of Color. this is an amazlingly facinating book, where every chapter is aobut a differnt color and how it originated and what it has symbolized and been used for through out history. i'v read a few colors and cant seam to pick it up again.
i have also lost anythoungs of sewing, or creating, painting... etc. i just. i dont know. my mind is consumed w/ dread of my parents selling the house out from under me... of worrying aobut that and feeling like i cant move on w/ my own lifes goals because i'm so afradide to louse the house. consumed w/ thoughts of traveling.... thinking aobut days that used to be. days i wish that were again. i so very much miss sitting in biology on a warm fall day, w. the sulight streaming in. and dont think that i am oblivious to these moments when they are there. i often look arroundand think: this is perfict. this is something to keep coming back to.

i have a job... i'm making $. i have a few friends and things really should be ok. but they are not. i just feel... lost. kind of floating. wanting to move out, but knowing that i will fell horribly depressed being even more alone. most good friends are not close by... no boy to watch bad movies w/ among other things.

i started drwing again.. but when i try to think of things my mind goes blank. i see colors... things that i could never put into words or on paper... i think we call them feeling. things i want to share w/ some one else. but you cant. and even when they are there for them it never feels the same as when you are alone and wish some one was there to feel the moment w/ you.

my friend danced w/ his girlfriend last night at the concert we were at. i was very rpoud of him, because he is not so much the type to dance in public, but she wanted to, so he did, and he looked like he was having a good time. maybe because it was easy dance music, and maybe because everyone arround us was dancing as well. but alot of people still would not. but he did. and i was proud of him.

i dont know where i swas going w/ any of this, this so very much of nothing, nothing sent out into the void.

so i ask, deep void- help me find myself again. i miss me. i dont know if anyone else does. but i sure do.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

food fair and live music.

went to taste of colorado tonight. had alagator... though i dont really know if it was or not. they were not actually wrastling the alagators in the back of the booth.

we saw big bad voodoo daddies live and in action. very fun, also saw Kelsey, but not katie though he said she was there. sadly he is not quite as enertaing as BBVD. o well alot ot live up to i guess.

so many things to say. and no words to saw them in. possibly this is why i am not much of a writer. i think aobut things in pictures, but have a hard time translating them into words.

Friday, September 01, 2006


the weather is absoutly perfect this evening. coldish, drizzlie, slight breeze. absoutly perfect for walking through a greater portion of downtown to night.

very happy. wonderfull night. just what i'v been needing.