Wednesday, February 28, 2007

a long day.

a long day has many parts. some days seem like it just one thign. you go to work.. you come how and eat dinner and go to bed.. well, more or less. then there are those days where you feel like there are sections. when one ends, somethign entirly diffent begins.

today is one of the long days.

it started out good, i slept but wolk up excited, thinking the work day would go fast and etc.

then i had a review... and for the most part its was fine. but there were a few things. sigh.. maily things that i can argue my side on, adn my boss would never fully understand, and i could never change her opinion, because alot of it comes down to wording and interpration of wording. and someone who, no matter how close youve done something to what theve asked, it will never be good enough. ever. and who really dosnt want to know why it takes you a good 30 min to burn a CD, just because they dont think it should. and could but dont do it them selves.
also annoyed me thats eh brough up things that eaither i never knew aobut or that were form 6 months ago, and have not been a problem since.

it is hard to feel like you are on a level playing filed when you are 20 + years yonger than most of your coleagues. and i just dont have the expierance to have everything down as pat as they do. no mater how many questions i ask, there will always be a communication problem. when i sit in a meeting i just dont follow whats being decided or discused very well.
its ahrd to get ahead when you cant ever do anything right.

so. now. my good mood has dwindled down to wanting to bolt. and not caring what i get done befor i leave the office. hopefully i will be able to regain my good mood later tonight.

and that last part of my day? about the time i usually get in bed i will be boarding a plane for LA. i leave LA at 12:30 at night. thankgod i can sleep any time any place.

Sunday, February 25, 2007


friday i was exhosted. went to bed aobut 9 and slep for 12 hrs. felt good all day saturday, untill arround 10, when we left the party and my stomach started to hurt. i had dinner, hrs earlyer, and it was only mac and cheese, and didnt drink at all.
slept ok, well except for the occasional visite by a cat.. who was A. hot, B. purring increddibly loudly, C. decided he needed to be on my chest or up against my head and D. felt the need to- after a while- start biting me.... fortunatly only my fingers. then he got thrown out.
about 7:30 my tomach started to hurt again....
ok, fast forward many hrs. still hurts, and im tired. trying to pack for China. trying to do 2 week old dishes and laundry- and get things in order for not being here for a week and a half.

in other news, one of my BNL cds has dissapeared. i know i had it in the move, but cant seem to find it anywhere.

trying to figure out the best way to pack 2 pint bottles for plane flight. Cecil, it appears, desperatly misses american beers and IPA inparticular. [ sorry cecil, thats all your getting. ] So , if anyone has any expierance/ good suggestions on this, let us know. like... by tuesday.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


so, the weather is deffinatly getting better.

i got my scoot out and about sunday. i havent ridden since thnaksgiving, so it was a good time. I was worried, since im not a fabulose rider anyway that i might be a bit wabblie.. but not. things were just fine.

trying to get the rest of my things together for the trip to chengdu. a bit nervius... but i'm sure it will be fine. and if anything, it will all be an adventure, and many stories afterward.
I cant promis that i will keep an uptodate blog on our daily expierances, but i will try... and by try, i mean it will prolly last 2 days. but o well. theorie has it that between tim, cecil and me you will get the jist of the story.

Saturday, February 17, 2007


the funny thing aobut reading travel books and trip planners, etc is that they always talk aobut trying not to stand out as a touerest.
technically its good info.. places like NYC, there are epoel from every place on earth, and you would never know who has be there 2 days or 20 years.

but in the case of this trip, i must say. we will stick out no matter what.

humm.... white white skin, red hair/ 6' tall/ 6' 8" tall and beard.. yes. yes. we might be touerest.


Friday, February 16, 2007

red light

on my way to work this morning i was at a stop light. a stoplight i would like to mention i watch a person fly through ion the redest light. ever.
while at the light i watched a man... a blue collar work, on his way to what ever his job might be, leave his bus stop, walk down to the corner and across the street. on the opposite side was a woman w/ a guide stick. he lead her back across the street on the same light, and went back to his bus stop.. and she headed on her way down the street in the opposite direction.
they didnt know each other, few words were said.
though a display of kindness and curtsy that i dont see nearly enough.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

i dont know eaither.

i'm the kind of girl that crys. i just do. a lot of times over nothing. i get to the point some days where thats the only way i'm going to feel better.
i can t cry in front of him. i'v needed to cry for the last 24 hrs... but, couldent. everything from work stress, to hating to shade of blue in these jeans, to the weather and my neck hurting.

i know he dosent know whats wrong, and unfortunitaly, i dont eaither.

but as soon as he turns his back and walks away the tears come flowing.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

flanders fields

IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead.
Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

it is valentines....
i started out in a good mood. got a cupple valentines from my aunts...
and now my mood dwindles.

Flanders Fields, is one of my favorite poems... well, honestly i dont know many poems, but this is one i contenue to go back to. i associate it w/ valentines day. i dont know why, maybe because of the color red, maybe because to me valentines marks the end of winter and the beggining of spring- note referance to poppies, one of my favorite flowers...
i realize it is aobut the horrers of war in france. but.... it seems fitting. today.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

the day to day change of an inatiment object that i have not been recording.

as i drive home along 58th between lamar and sheridan, i can see a building going up. every day it changes a little more. some days a substantial amount has happened- say a few walls have gone up, and others, like today, i could see lonely after examination that they were putting the first layer of roofing on. the walls are all poured concrete, the kind w/ design lines in the molds to tell the masons where the different colors start and finish on the outer layer.
for some reason this project has sparked my interest- like the shoe at work, i wish i had caught it on the first day and begun taking pictures so as to see the real progress on a day by day play.


Valentines is here again. the one holiday you hear the most distaste for, and yet the hype is still there.
it was a good holiday in school , when everyone was forced to give cards to everyone else, and it involved candy, orange drink and stickers. as we grow up all sorts of notions fill our heads as to what the holiday should be. there are lots of sources to blame, so i wont list them here. you all know what they are. in fact, you all know exactly what i'm talking about. the holiday that no one likes, but everyone hopes will be extraordinary for them.
everyone handles this in a different way. some plan to boy-cott all together... others just gripe.. and I, ... well, I like to make the best of it. because I, like every onether girl.. knows its a bullshit holiday. Knows i dont want a dumb diamond tennis bracelet, but when it comes down to it, really hope i'll end up surprised with something special in the end.- so. ,because this holiday is what it is, i try to keep the spirit of 3rd grade valentine partys alive... i send out numerous valentines every yr. [if you dont get one form me, i am here now saying, "happy valentines!" there are other sappy things... like, "i love each of you from the bottom of my heart, you are good and special people and you are loved." but that comes off as horribly cheesy.] so valentines are sent, and cheep flowers from the safeway are bought, and distributed to whoever looks like they really need something special that day.
i started doing this in high school.... the first time i did it, i could see how much it ment to some people to receive a pretty flower to carry around that day. so i keept doing it.
i'v had good and bad valentines. i dont really need to get into it here, but for those of you reading, and thinking, yeah but you have some one and its all good... i have been on the other side, plenty often.

so why is it, that a person can feel loved daily. random things can be done through out the yr, on non prescribed "special" days, but yet- you yern for valentines to be really special? i know theres the general advertising and hooplaw around it, but, why does it matter so much? its just one day. i ask this as a person who doesn't nessicairly care for the holiday, but who, in the end, wants it to be special.

and so, that being said, i point out the general, over talked aobut, guy must do something great and the girl expects it argument, yadda yada yada....
and i ask my self: what am i planning? i want it in return, so what am i planning?
well.. nothing really. i had several ideas... most of them cost more money than i'm looking to spend on much of anything right now, due to travel plans and what not.
see... i used to do cards. because my family does cards, we would have a fun breakfast w/ the table set nice, and have cards for each other.. and maybe there would be a little gift.. like a fun pair of socks, or a book or something.
but i stopped doing cards... when my general belief that if you set the example for someone else they will do the same in exchange. [ i realize sometimes the other person just dosent even see that its something you want repeated back.] never really was reciprocated. something done by hand or picked out w/ care.. something shared and thoughtfully written inside. always seemed to me it showed more than a present. but...
i stopped doing that. i dont even know what to write anymore. i'm not a good writer. what i write here, i rarely read again and is generally just babble that i never seem to quite get out in conversation. but when i try to write.. i cant.. i am an image person, not a word person.

so this yr what am i going to do? i dont know. i know that prolly something will come to mind, because i cant quite believe that even if it isn't reciprocated, it isn't appreciated.

i know what i want to do... but it cant happen, not tomorrow and not any time soon.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

heiniken is only worth it on sale. who knew.

so whats hte big deal with heiniken?
i bought some today at the store.. for 2 reasons. 1. i'v never had it and theres always alot of hooplaw arround it and 2.. wel... 2. because it was on sale. i'm cheep like that.

it tastes just like moosehead of rolling rock. Maybe iv just done horrive things to my tates buds over the years and i cant tell the subtle differance the make heiniken better than the others. though, for all the rep it has, it never shows up at partys. naw maybe thats because at our partys the boys in charge of beer like IPAs and so forth.. so we do alot of expirimenting, and not drinking of light beers.

it was really beautiful this weekend. i hope you all went out side.
though fast. too fast. my weekends arnt long enough. i dont know if its because my weeks are super stressful that by sunday, i feel as if i'm just starting to un wind, and rally need another day, but then monday is here again and were off and running. now i know i'm young and all that- dont have a fmialy, kids etc when i coe home. but still, this is plently right now. there is only one person i want to see when i get home from work. when i dont, i'm sad, even if i know theres no way he would be there because hes at work himself. july really cant come fast enough. at least in that sence.

so i sit here, watching the grammys, having only heard maybe one or 2 songs this yr. [w/ my headacher and tired eyes, dreading monday], and thnking that i need to rip more of my cds, and buy more music in general. listining to music is simlar to reading. the mmore you listen and the more diverse what you listen to is, the more you will grow and round out as a human being. i dont read enough and i dont listen to nearly enough music.

Friday, February 09, 2007

you people make me want to fucking shake the bullshit out of you.


sometimes people just make me so mad.
its been a bad week at work.
and everywhere else.
drama drama drama.

sometimes you just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake the crap out of them.
and by crap i mean the actualy shit they are spewing, weather it be at me or anyone else in my general vacinity.
and whats sad is that they fully believe they are acting in an appropriate manner, and that they are saying nothing wrong.
and i know, that there is nothing i can say that would change anyones mind. the minds are made up and the stupidness is perminatly stapled to their brain.

now, i dont mean that i dont generaly like all the people that pissed me off this week. in general they are decent human beings. but not this week. dear loard, not this week.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

new post

i have been absent from posting for a few days... not for lack of things to talka obut but rather not talking about them.

i am not talking oaubt friend drama
i am not tlaking oaubt work.
we are not discussing my lack of typing ability.

so what can i tlak aobut?

well.. lets see....

i have been roller skating on the weekends. i am getting better, my balence felt better this last week when i got on the rink, and my shins and anckles dont hurt as much eaither.
we rented the illusionest... it was alright. and something else, i dont kwo if it was kung fu or ninjas.. i slept thorugh the first hr, and then went to bed- i promply had a kitten try to attack my face.... he was removed form the room, then i slept.
tryed to go to Istanbul Grill... but it was GONE. so sad. had to have thebest noodlesin denver at Oshama Raman.... good stuff.
had planned for a night out sat as it was not supposed to be quite so much along the lines of frost bite, but in the end went to the grocery store after wendys at, like, 10 pm... it was good stuff.
also sat i ran erronds. like barnes and noble and target.

the weather was finally good today... i went out side and walked at lunch. i needed it.

my attempt at making valentines was.. not what i intended.. had a hard time and never did get the motherboard out of my old box. so, its clasic construction paper doilies and glitter. i need to get those in the post soon. i need to do alot of things soon... like put away my clean laundry.. and so forth. i keep thinknig i will be super productive on the weekend, since when i get home at night i dont even want to think aobut it... i am toast. i look at pretty pictures in magazines or read or watch northern exposier. but then.. my weekends are even fuller than my week.. and i am nt ever home and little gets done. i need to nip that in the bud. i like to be busy, but i ahve been too busy lately. i need to finish w/ all the boxes in my living room.. and deal w/ laundry and all that.

on the plus side tim will be closer.... prolly it will still take him an hr to bus to my place... but at least its not 2.... thoguh it does less happy things to his other comutes. and he will be 15 min form me.... and not 18 miles.. but like... 7
or less
and scooterable . :) if it ever melts. o how i long to ride... i was looking at fulface helmets and ne goggles the other day. i rally should at least get anew helmet.. i have 2 very nice ones that match my scoot, but they are 3/4 and not ful face.. and the differance is jaw reconstructive sergery when you crash.... yeah.. makes it sound like a good idea to me too.
generaly im a decent tight wad, randomly spending money on thigns that dont always make since. but w/ traveling.. and ten ihave a long list of thigns, all $100 or more that i want/ need.. it is making it hard to save as much as i want to. i rally need to buckle down and stick to my budget. other wise i will never get the house.. and thats not worth lousing.

Friday, February 02, 2007


Come on, groundhog. Daddy wants some fucking warmth, or I cook your ass.


Thursday, February 01, 2007

apparently were concerned aobut global warming.

it snows...again... and the cranes rise to the sky.

looking at the gibson website at work today i got distracted form what i was doing ther for a bit... which was loking for a guitar to trace for a print. how ever i started looking at.. my favorite.. the banjos. o sweet beautiful banjos.
i discovered that the gibson web site links to an area where you can "lean" guitar, banjo, mandolin etc. it has a very slow vidio feed of the hand movements. you can choose music style and teacher as well.
listed w/ the banjos were dobros. what are dobros? i dont really know, they have a wood body, w/ a metal pick guird/sound hole.
beautiful instruments. but what are they? how are they differnt than a steal guitar [is that the right name?] And by george what do they sound like? ]prolly i can find this out eaisly enough, w/ my magic cable internt, but at the time of this post i have not].

i have loved banjos as long as vespas. i have a vespa [that i so desperatly want to ride as soon as this damn weather goes away.] i have a habbit of getting too much on my plate at a time. i want to do it all. and i want to do it all right now. so.. these are the questions: will i really do it? or will it be half assed and fall by the wayside? how to you slect a decent used banjo? should you learn to play guitar first? or just jump right into banjo- snce it is 5 strings and guitar is 6?

and, this is.. only one more thing for me to spend $$ on. i have alist. a long list. some how the smaller thigns keeping taking precidence over the larger ones. im decent at being a tight wad. but im also good at randomly deciding i need things and spending $$. a duel income would certinly help, even if it was just rent and groceries. it would help.
maybe its just that iknow untill i get apay raise that i cant afford a house on my own. so that dream seems farther off than i want it to be. but let not open up that wound.