Tuesday, October 31, 2006


Monday, October 30, 2006


so the snow squirrel is now a little 2 foot tall pyrimid.

i may get my car back later this week.
related news, i may stay in fro halloween as to avoid any more crazys.

think i decided on an apt. preperations are to be made.

i need to see if i have funds for both china and london...

it got cold tonight.

i hate comming out of work and having the sun going down.

my soccer game last night was dirty and poorly reffed. seriously i thought we were gonna fight.

i got invied to play friday nights.

we are having squash, cheeses on pasta tommorw.

everyone it seams has a birthday in november.

i dont know what to get any of those people.

i want a rase from work. and i'm talking at least $5k. greedy? maybe? anoyed that *I* am the one that actually does most of the work and i make the least. aware that this is how it often goes. yes.

tired of living at home. terrified of moving out.

orion is cleer in the sky right now. go look.

i am tired.

i am deaf.

i am frustrated.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


got sent home early from work [read 9:15am] and decided to make the best of my snow day. here is my snow squirrel. and then we had lunch out. and then i naped on the couch in front of the fire watching a xmas movie. it was a good day.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

what does it say aobut you when you think to your self: i ned to get to work early tommorw, because there arnt enough days in the week to get things done.


i like to walk arround my building at lunch time. - really i nedd 7 min to be out side and away from everyone.

months ago there appeared a shoe at the edge of the parking lot. thinking back, i now wish i had started taking pictures then. i didnt for 2 reasons. i thought that some one would be back for their shoes and that the shoe would take a long time to break down. both are false. week by week the shoe deteriates more and more. today i realized i sohuld have been documenting this.

net shoe that shows up, i will.

Monday, October 23, 2006


the thing aobut drinking wine from a tumbler is its easy to pour alot, and its easty to drink very quickly.

i'm on my second glass.

Sunday, October 22, 2006


friends and relationships come and go. the absence of some hurt us more than others. it hapens for many reasons, people grow appart, life structure changes and wedges are created. some times you know that the right thing for everyone is just to walk away. you do what you need to do to try to move on, and fill your life in other ways. its easy to think you are done, that there has been enough time- untill something happeneds, maybe innocent gossip- but it leaves you feeling upset- hurt, angry, and happyness for the other person all at the same time. and then you think: am i pushing my self to move on too quickly? how do i steap back?- because i thought things were happy, but when something else pulls you back to previous drama- are you really?

Saturday, October 21, 2006


so, it snowed again last night. it was beautiful snow, large white flakes swirling.

well... Until i got side swiped [read: guy on my right decided to turn left when i was next to him- and did. i fish tailed, but fortunately no on coming traffic] and hit and runned.

i am ok. my happy little car that i have had back for exactly a week and a half, has a seriously dented passenger door.

how would ben put this- angry panda. angry angry panda.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

1st snow

snowhas fallen, pure and new.
it weighs down the boughs of the appricot tree which had not yet lost its leaves.
it sparkles un touched, blanketing the earth. protecting her from greater evils.
tomorrow there will be fox tracks.

usually a series of beautiful songs i generall associate w/ christmas time run through my head.- things like carrol of the bells, and so forth. but tonight it is differnt. tonight, i hear "kising you" by des' ree... this has long been a favorite of mine, w/out particular intentions, it is just simply a beautiful song that brings visions of evtroidinarly romantic things.

it is, as all nights are, a beautiful night.

its raining

it is more infact sleeting.

the tides came in and as nature prevails the tide always goes out as well.

the air is cold and crisp. leaves that had not yet decided it was autom, are suddenly being reminded that it is. the clouds are low and heavy. it is the perfect day for being bundled up and wandering arround outside.
it is also wonderfull driving weather, as the colors of the countryside are much more vibrant in the mist.

i think. i will decorate for halloween.

Monday, October 16, 2006

o the sickness

so i went to the dr. since it had been a week, and things were pretty much the same.

thinks its strep + broncitis, or strep + asthma

how ever i got some mad drugs, and the afternoon off work. do think i'll go in tommorw eaither.

Saturday, October 14, 2006


so tonight was the kind of night many guys would be estatic aobut.

tv: college football, world series playoffs, nascar

food: tatertots w/ cheese and salsa verde.

its a good time.

this week

this week has not been particulalry spatacular. i have not said alot becacuse at sompoint whyning aobut work is just redundent. especially when i have gone through this or a simalar sinario before and will again in the future. in general it dosnt bother me this much. but there are more things going on this time.

drove back from nebraska. stoped in sterling at a plesently funny little coffe, that had leaky roof and a train going arround the top cove above the counter in the center of the restaront. i had a bad hot beef sandwhich. we talked to a kid, whos dad owns the place. he wants to go to johnson and wales for his resaront management degree.

was bad. our plaid program stoped working altogether, files are being moved and deleted left and right w/ no explination, and we have a new pallett. read previous post for my general reaction to that day. my joints hurt like nothing else [odd, i thought], and i got my car back all shiney.

wed: i am obviously now sick.. though i origionally believed it was just a left over cough from the asmath the day before. i froze to death at work in far to many cloths to be cold for any reason. read- feaver, but felt beter that evening and went to the movies.

thursday: going to the movies was proly a mistake. i didnt sleep well due to more feaver. woke up w/ a seriously painful cramp in my calf. [weird, but its happened before], got up that morning, and managed to make some tea before i almost hit the floor. managed to sit down for a while, then went back to bed. still feaver. still same bull shit at work. now we a waffling between palletts.

friday: didnt sleep well again. less feaver. worse cough. still waffeling on pallets. redoing some stud placement that i thought was correct the first time. [something we spent an entire day on and they thought i could fix in half an hr. right.] i get a software update on monday for all my crashing and etc problems. i think the IT guys hate me by now. decided it would be better to stay in. thought i at least felt well enough to recognise that it was in fact a beautiful warm october day, and well enough to be mad that i had spent it inside w/ some one asking me to do 3 hrs of work in 10 min. consistantly through the day.

that leaves us w/ saturday:
still didnt sleep well. feel llike shit, but not a feaever. seriously bad cough. going to punkin chunkin. really, prolly shouldent be. glad i didnt go out last night based on how i feel this morning. thoguh i learned that chicken soup really does make you feel better, and its a great breakfast food.
it is an amazingly beautiful october weekend. i am sorry to be sick, but maybe my dad will be up for a drive in the mountains. i also want some pumpkins. i love carving pumpkins. i have photos of some i have done. this weekend will be photo posting time. huzah!

i think there are alot of things swimming in my head, beyond it being a very bad week at work. but the sickness is supressing them.

Thursday, October 12, 2006


prolly a good sign of being sick is:

wearing soccer socks, slippers, sweat pants, a cupple shirts, a fleece robe and a heavy duty hoodie over it all- then deciding that it would be nice to be under a down blanket and have a nice hot cup of tea.

being sick is doing all this- being only kind of warm and not sweating. if only i could pull off this outfit at work.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


so, the day did indeed go down hill from there.

i am livid.

livid to the point that my whole body hurts.
livid to the point that i have gone into asthma attack 3 times today, because m y chest is so tight. i cant stop coughing and coughing makes me cry which makes me breath even less.

i have not been this mad in years.

on the plus side, i got my car back. it looks beautiful and i actually have a badge now! those of you that know my car, know that it never had any sign of ever having a badge. it is shiny, it is happy.


to day is already shaping up to be the kind of day where you are in tears by 9am. it keeps going down hill from there.

Monday, October 09, 2006

the american dream

so. it really was a good thing to go to the mid west. thee was alot that i love that i had forgotten. i babbled some of it out in bad writting skilz goo. so i post it here. please dont puke on your keyboard. that would be icky.

but really what i was trying to say was, that it was just unexpressidly beautifull.

The American dream

Driving across the plains of eastern Colorado the sun sets, the clouds change colors and the light reflects off the dying grasses of summer.
The moon rises giant and orange over the rolling hills, up into the clouds.
As the sky darkens the rural mid west appears. Every few miles another city glows, a beacon of light in the vast darkness. Each radiating the promise of the American Dream.
Edward Hopper, Nighhawks 1942

there is something truly magical about the mid-west. Drive in movies, pick up trucks, diners, small town quality. I’m not saying everything is good here. A lot is not. That is true w/ any era. It is easy to see the good side of the 40s and 50s- but there was so much else there. But the mid west is full of small time businesses, family values and people living off the land. In everything there is promise of supporting a family, owning a home and being successful in whatever venture you choose.There is great romance of the mid-west.
__________________________________ _____________ _______________________________
The wind blows warm from the south. The air here is fresh and sweet smelling. Its corn picking season. The smell of the air alone is reason enough for this trip.
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Driving along the country highways on a rainy afternoon, the colors of fall radiate in the dampness. One is reminded of the wonders of country living.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

mid west

i head to the mid west this weekend.
normaly i would be estatic for a road trip.
not this weekend tohugh. missing a day of work- i have alot going on.
and i was excited aobut 3 months ago. not anymore though.
saturday is being spent *all freaking day* at a highschool band compitition.
sunday at a family reunion, at which i dont know anyone, will be the only person between 10 and 40- and i already know i'm related to everyone.
i plan to count the # of dishes made w/ jello, or mayonase- OR BOTH!

and apparently my aunt has a peacock, and the peacock had babbies... and i dont know, but i'm pretty sure peacock babbies are ugly. we'll see if i can get photos.

speaking of photos- i am taking a photo a day, i just havent had a connection good enough to post them yet.


driving down federal.
there was a bus.
infront of the bus was a cop car.
next to the cop car was a guy on his knees w/ a back pack and his hands in the air.
next to the guy on his knees w/ the back pack and his hands in the air was acop w/ his gun pointed at the heand of the guy on his knees w/ his hands in the air.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


there is a path in my yard- between the lawn and the grape arbor.
all the leaves have suddnly droped form the trees.
swirrling on the ground the wind picks up a few at a time.
the rest flow across the ground in a swirling tide of crimsion and yellow.
they crunch loudly under my bare feet.
mid was through i stop and look back across the yard. fall is setting in, in the most wonderful way possible.

Monday, October 02, 2006

365 self portraites

i read something recently that stated the idea of taking a picture of yourself every day for a year. really i think this would be a great coffee table book.

and then i thought: i can do this
and then i though: isnt it so..so... conceited to indulge in taking a photo of your self everyday, and then assume that people would want to look at you every day for a year?

i realize people usualy to this sort of project on some sort of photo sharing/viewing site, but i really dont what to redgester to anymore sites, so i figured i would do it here.

so i ask all 4 or 5 poeple that actually read this: should i partake on this project?



i have been out for a few weeks on a quad injury.. and was in general not doing well.

so i was very very happy to play 3 games last night. now i am much calmer aobut alot of things, which is good, because i have been harvesting alot of unsensible, non defineable anger- and running arround and knocking people down, really helps w/ that.