quanderies

so some things have changed in that last few days and some things have not.
one oppertunity opened up- but in a closing sort of way. and agin i find myself in a simalr position as i have before. when the chance to make a change comes up, no matter how much i want to make that change, i want to not make it even more.
i am terrified of this change. and that bad things it may come. i have a tendency to become very attached to things, so moving away from them, even if i am un happy and even if it means growing up, i most likly will push against it.

part of me knows its time to take that final step in growing up. and alot more of me wnats to hang on to alot of wonderfull things that i feel i am sure to louse in the process. in the past some of this was easyer because i had a stable body to leand on and rely on. but now, i really dont. that stable body is much more spradic, and i dont ever seem to have it the amount of time i would like to.
making this change means growing up, which i'm ready to do. but i also see myself spiriling nastly into depression. which i really dont feel like doing- given the choice.

how does one over come this and many other fears. so many other people seam to move through this part of their life more seamlessly. and rather enjoy it. i think i would too if i felt like ther was some one to share it with. i have never liked being alone. maybe its because i am an only child, i strive for that contenious attention and person to spend time w/. also because ihave gone through periods where i did actually have friends, and all in the general vacinity, and i liked it. i dont need alot. just one or two people.

how does one find strength in their self?