a walk to work

I really like walking to work. How ever I dislike getting to work and being all sweaty. I cant wait until the morning are cooler.
To day I walked by a house that was a cute little cottage, with big trees in the front yard. I could see iris and a few other things poking through the tall weedy grass- over running what looked like it was, at one time, a very beautiful garden.
I found my self wondering as I often do what had happened. Had some one moved, or passed away? Were new owners unable to keep up with the demands of the garden? What did it look like when it was in top shape?

When I lived in Ft. Collins I used to regularly drive by a house the had kitty head shaped wooden fence post toppers. Someone clearly spent a lot of time making them.

hello fall!

Its been a hot summer here in Denver. September 2nd the temp dropped to the 70s and its been heavenly ever since. Today we had some of my absolute favorite weather- 55, cloudy and rain. I'm spending the evening snuggled on the couch with my kitties, laptop and watching You've Got Mail.
I'm so happy my favorite season is here!

A Follow Up to Last Weeks Rant

So, apparently there is a cohesive website that both answers questions and has an email address. You know how I found it? Looking for the location that it was insisted I would be closer to [I'm not. at all. but traffic might be better.] Clicking on the location link took me to an entirely different web site- one that does not appear just under google search. This strikes me as odd. Also, that they would not give me an email contact after I repeatedly asked for one, when clearly one is available. We'll see if they are more helpful in person.

Deaf/ HOH?

I recently stumbled across something I have been looking for for a long time. A forum aimed at people who are Deaf or HOH.

There are other of course. But often they focus on only hearing aids, or only parents with small children.

But this one could be really great. If people start posting.

How could it be that there are not other people looking for the social outlet of talking to, sharing frustrations with and encouragement that could be found in a community like this?

The forum is http://www.outerdialog.com/ . There is also a Wednesday night chat offered a la 1999, as a large room of people responding randomly to several different conversations.

In theory, there is a topic of discussion each week. Sometimes we get near that topic, but mostly its like a book club. We're there for everything but the book. And thats fine. It appears that most people who show up are looking for something like I am- a social group that understands the everyday frustrations with hearing- or lack there of.

So pass the word. I need this. And probably a lot of other people do too.

Lakeside history and pictures

I stumbled across this great little write up today. [and also this one] As you know Lakeside is just about my favorite pace in the world, and now you can see why.

paper art.

ai continue to be fascinated by paper art. the things people make- and how, apparently, they don't completely lose it trying to glue tiny bits of stuff to other stuff.

stumbled across this, this morning. not a new concept, but i do love the example shown, and love that artists website even more.

"As an experiment, artist Sarah Musi sent blank postcards to forty-five famous artists. She invited them to create art with the postcards and mail them back:

So I had this thought the other day: what if I made little pieces of art and sent them to a bunch of famous artists, along with a tiny blank canvas for them to create something and return it? Would I get anything back? Would they even read my request?

Pictured above is the response from cut paper artist Jayme McGowan."

Below is an example of Jayme's work- featured on her website.

love it!

i know what i want for my birthday

I want this.
Could I make it? Maybe. or something similar, that gave the same impression, but was less complicated. frankly i think you need an industrial machine to do some of those seams.
Absolutely stunning.

faery tale wedding.

i recently stumbled upon photos of the most beautiful faery wedding.

if i had a dream wedding, is would be it. more or less...

a non weekend update.

recently, it seems, i only update with a run down of the weekend. mostly, i think this is related to the fact that our week is fairly scheduled.
most of the time things are good.
Tuesdays are game night and banjo lessons.
Wednesdays are kickball
and Monday and Thursdays are figuring out groceries or what ever.

in kickball this week, it was theme night. we went as ninja turtles and lost to the care bares. clearly the Care Bear Stare really does trump all.

Tuesday we hosted D&D and had mac n' cheese.

we also started watching season 1 of Mad Men. apparently Angel's son is just an asshole- or at least no one will cast him as anything else.

tomorrow i am headed to the high school graduation of a childhood friend. she's headed to CU at Co. Springs in the fall.

now, hopefully the meeting that was supposed to happen in my office an hour ago, will happen soon, so i can go home.

expectations

Tim has been blogging about expectations, along the lines of characters and movies. But, i feel that he has only touched the iceberg that is expectations.
Expectations of school, relationships, jobs, vacations etc. wildly influence how we handle situations when they arise.
At some point i started making an effort to not have expectations of vacations, because i found that i was then pleasantly surprised by the outcome, because i had not been building up in my mind how it was going to be.
I have not followed this with anything else in life. which to an extent is good, it helps you create and move towards goals, and hopefully move away from things when they no longer work.
What we never talk about is how to grieve with the loss of an expectation.
sometimes it's as simple as not getting the grade you wanted and sometimes it's more serious life decisions that goes against the wishes of one spouse or the other.

How do we deal with this? How do we make the decision of what is right for us and how do we move on?

lets see... what can we change?

one of the main things i do for work is absorb criticism.
a lot of it, is trying to create ideas from thin air that 6 people agree on, and the 40 more people will c0ment on- usually not know what we went through to get the line that we did.

i try to listen to what is said, and make changes accordingly, with out taking it personally. its not that they dont like me, and it doesnt matter if i love that print or T-shirt, what matters is if the design will sell, and sell to people with a more conservative design appreciation.

it's a hard spot to be in, to try to connect with your work, but also not care what happens to it and if people don't like it.

it's also hard to have people tell you your not doing things how they would like- then they list off what you ARE doing, and its exactly what you thought you were supposed to be doing- but apparently no one told you they wanted different, so it was wrong.
and no. i cant just "make it like Target." i agree that target has cute fun things for a good price. in fact Target has cute fun things for a price that is less than i can get it done at cost, not to mention whole sale and retail.

so yes. the clothing industry is stressful.

oh Subaru, you make me so sad.

Subaru! What have you done?

Why is the 2010 re-designed Outback now larger than the newly enlarged Forester? The Outback is supposed to be a station wagon, not an SUV. What are you thinking?
*note the height of the people in both pictures. its not as obvious here. wait till you see one.
2009


2010

the art of art.

as everyone knows, the art you create, you usually hate. Sometimes i look back over sketches i did 6 months to several years ago and they are better than i remembered. however things i thought were good at the time, i often no longer like. i don't know if this has to do with personal expectations, or what.

i need to start drawing again. i had started a project that i thought would be helpful to me, but quickly got distracted and it is now gathering dust.

i want to start that project again, but i am coming up with lots of excuses for why i haven't.
1. i spend all day trying to be creative- a lot of forced creativity. which is hard.
2. i don't have time. [i do.]
3. i admire so many other peoples wide ranging illustration styles and am discouraged, feeling that mine are inferior and, pretty much, crap. i really haven't found my "style."

i know that i need to just get out that pencil, and draw, and stop worrying. because i do have the time, i just enjoy being lazy. but lazy is less enjoyable when it is the only thing you do.

the challenge

I've been complaining about things to my Dr.s for a couple years now.

they keep doing blood tests. they keep telling me that everything is normal. i would guess that everything is not normal when every visit, with every Dr. ever starts with "your neck is huge!"
and then the tests are normal, and they put of my complaints to the fact that clearly i am lying about my diet and exercise. its understandable. everyone lies. and everyone lies to the Dr. and most likely themselves about these things, in particular.

i have never been skinny. I was trim in high school- before i got sick, and spent a semester lying on the couch drinking soda, because it was the only thing that didn't hurt my throat.
after college i started playing soccer again. i got my weight down a bit and was happy.
and then, it started to creep back.... slowly at first... but then it just wouldn't stop. i don't sleep well, i have problems breathing and I'm ALWAYS hot. i have gained 60 pounds, most of it in a 2 year span.
it was finally recommended that I see a specialist.
They looked at my numbers and couldn't believe i hadn't been being treated for an under active thyroid. Actually it's the first time i have had a positive experience at a Dr.s office in as long as i can remember.
an under active thyroid means that my metabolism isn't working right. [I've never had a fast one to begin with.]

So. Starting soon, I will be medicating- hoping to get things working right again and hopefully get my self back to a healthier weight.

I'm very self conscious of it. I feel the stairs of people i haven't seen in a while. I wonder who is judging me. I am happy to have a supportive husband, who is very good at saying all the right things. and i try to remember, that, despite what is reflected on the outside, i know that i am trying and i hope it will finally show.

Lazy day.... kind of

Lazy day for me. busy day for Tim. When he started planning this LARP event, we thought it was happening last Saturday, but change of plans, and it is tonight, so we are no longer going to Derby Prom, he is full of adrinalin, and i dont have any plans.

Sitting at my desk this week feeling kind of terrible, i was thinking all the things i wanted to get done at home this weekend.
put away the Christmas boxes.
do some drawing
get new photos on the computer machine.

and i continue to not feel all that well. I've been in a bot of limbo, not feeling good, but not feel that bad either.
i don't really want to do anything. At all. but am still sad i do not have plans for tonight. [admittidly i have made no, zero, zip effort to have plans tonight.]

i'm deaf, not blind

just because i don't hear the conversation, doesn't mean i don't know whats going on.
I'm sorry, but there is a thing as being too polite. it involves never having an opinion and being afraid of your opinion. it often leads to lack of personality and wishy washyness.
i cant stand this. its fine if you truly don't care what movie we see or where we go to lunch, but then i don't want to hear later that you had already seen it, or wish we had eaten somewhere else.
i swear, some times i feel like i am in middle school again. everyone's in a clique, and I'm not in any of them. we are all friendly to one another- more or less, but i am never actually part of the group. always just 3 steps to the left.

it continues to surprise me how much people avoid reviling anything about them selves. they are afraid to have a favorite food or talk about what they did over the weekend. .. and no one ever wants to take the time to really talk, about anything.

i find that i am often too girly, or not girly enough.

and i know its stupid. and i know it really doesn't matter. but it all drives me nuts just the same.

the micorwaves.

in the lunch room at work there is a row of about 10 microwaves. People come down and put their food in and then... stand there.... watching.
I'm not sure why they feel the need to watch the food go-round, the tables are as little as 6 feet away. I'm also not sure why they then get pissy when you want to get to an empty microwave- because 'Hey they're standing there!'

ulg. work

I didn't ask you because i think you have time to keep up with filing. I asked you because all the files get emailed to you, I never see them, and the books aren't updated, and i wondered if that stuff was being saved somewhere else now.
maybe you should make a new folder instead of keeping everything in your personal e-mail, but don't be pissy because i asked where stuff was. geeze.
and no, i didn't ask in the kind of pissed off way that i am writing this now.
nothing like being the black sheep in the room. booooooo