re praise

How Not to Talk to Your Kids. A friend posted this article on FaceBook yesterday. I read it and initially thought, "huh. this is interesting." The article has stayed on my mind, I'm finding my self thinking of all the people I think would find this interesting- the psychology student, the mom of a toddler, the friend teaching 4th grade.

The primis of the article is that you are hurting your kids with endless encouragement, telling them they are smart, that they played great. What has been found is that kids who are told endlessly that they are smart tend to give up faster on subjects they are not naturally good at, dont develop good study skills and dont know how to handle failure.

What does seem to work is rewording the praise. Tell them that you could see how they worked to get the ball, or look for the right pass.

"But a growing body of research and a new study from the trenches of the New York public-school system strongly suggests it might be the other way around. Giving kids the label of smart does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.

Dweck had suspected that praise could backfire, but even she was surprised by the magnitude of the effect. Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control, she explains. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure."

I would like to see this studied in work places and college campuses.

This really struck me as probably the most defining reason people play WOW. There are people who do nothing else with their life, some one supports them somewhat, they dont work, didnt finish school and rarely leave their computer. Things are strait forward with lots of instant success in WOW.

"It turns out that I was the real praise junkie in the family."

This solidifies a lot about the game that bothers me.

I'm not sure I agree with everything in it, mostly things that were found in polls, that I felt deferently about, in regards to myself.

For example, the article states that teenagers often see positive compliments from a teacher as being the opposite. Also that children under 5 are the only people who take compliments at face value. It depends on who I hear the compliment from- a teacher, i take it at face value, a coworker that I am wary of and probably don't like, mostly likely not at face value.

Read it. Its interesting.

Thanksgiving

This year we are headed to St. Louis for Thanksgiving. The plan is for me to meet the rest of my husbands relatives, and for him to see people he hasn't seen in 6 or 8 years.
There will be several cousins there, who are all over 17 or so. We have a fun couple days planned that include a trip to the City Museum and the Art Museum.
[side note: i love to visit art museums everywhere we go. you never know what unexpected awesomeness you are going to see. in Pitsburgh we saw the largest collection of plaster architectural reproductions in the world... i think. and a wonderful set of sketches of California style houses from the 50 or 60s]

Who knows what will happen. every family has their crazy, on some level or another. Every family has their traditions.

Being away from home for the second Thanksgiving in a row has me thinking about my family's traditions and funny [now] stories.

Story: We were eating with my dads side of the family, who all live in another state. being the holidays things quickly diverged into their usual pattern. some bickering, some poorly worded comments, etc.
my grand mother made a Waldorf salad. it was good. this is the same grandmother who makes my favorite date roll cookies. after dinner my mother asked if she had put dates in the salad- it was different, but good. "No. it was SNICKERS. AND IT WAS GOOD."
heh. dont question it.

on the other hand, my parents have formed a tradition of pulling the deep fryer out into the drive way. making drinks and appetizers and inviting anyone who wants a deep fried turkey, to bring one over. people hang out, drink, eat, have a good time. it lasts all day. usually they have a invite to the neighbors house in the evening, for an actual sit down dinner. i really like the eating all day and seeing lots of different people.

Last year we hit tow different turkey days in Seattle. both involved a large number of people we are sketchily related to due to marriage. the first was the huge family and friend dinner, that i had been hearing aobut for years, on the account of their being just an awful lot of pie involved- like a pie or two for every person there. The other was also a big extended family party. where we were given some more pie. it was a good deal.
we followed all that up the next day with a family dinner involving crab, pie [:)] and ice skating.

Cant wait to see what this year brings.

a non weekend update.

recently, it seems, i only update with a run down of the weekend. mostly, i think this is related to the fact that our week is fairly scheduled.
most of the time things are good.
Tuesdays are game night and banjo lessons.
Wednesdays are kickball
and Monday and Thursdays are figuring out groceries or what ever.

in kickball this week, it was theme night. we went as ninja turtles and lost to the care bares. clearly the Care Bear Stare really does trump all.

Tuesday we hosted D&D and had mac n' cheese.

we also started watching season 1 of Mad Men. apparently Angel's son is just an asshole- or at least no one will cast him as anything else.

tomorrow i am headed to the high school graduation of a childhood friend. she's headed to CU at Co. Springs in the fall.

now, hopefully the meeting that was supposed to happen in my office an hour ago, will happen soon, so i can go home.

expectations

Tim has been blogging about expectations, along the lines of characters and movies. But, i feel that he has only touched the iceberg that is expectations.
Expectations of school, relationships, jobs, vacations etc. wildly influence how we handle situations when they arise.
At some point i started making an effort to not have expectations of vacations, because i found that i was then pleasantly surprised by the outcome, because i had not been building up in my mind how it was going to be.
I have not followed this with anything else in life. which to an extent is good, it helps you create and move towards goals, and hopefully move away from things when they no longer work.
What we never talk about is how to grieve with the loss of an expectation.
sometimes it's as simple as not getting the grade you wanted and sometimes it's more serious life decisions that goes against the wishes of one spouse or the other.

How do we deal with this? How do we make the decision of what is right for us and how do we move on?

organized space

i had every intention if getting the Christmas stuff finally packed away and out of my craft room.
i was unsuccessful at self motivation.
for that matter i have every intention of getting this really truly organized so that room and space can be used better.
i have been meaning to do this for 2 years.

what can i say. I'm lazy. I'm not terribly self propelled. and once i do organize things, i either forget my plan, or do a project and never put anything away.

its not because my mother didn't try. I've always been "messy" but deep down i wish everything lived in its place all the time and that putting things away wasn't the most awful thing in the whole world.
frankly i find the chaos a bit .... oh you nkow when you find your self panicking in too small of a space.. yeah. like that.

maybe i just dream a little too much of magazine beauty. in magazines pets can live in a home full of fancy furniture and delicate arrangements- never shedding, creating dust or knocking things over.

Spring and things

OMG OMG!! SPRING IS COMING!
Spring is my second favorite only to Fall.

I find spring to be terribly romantic. Everything is new and beautiful and green. I love watching new little plants push up out of the ground.
Its been 10 years since I was in London in the spring, and I desperately wish to go back and share my favorite city with Tim.
It's been 3 years since Tim and I went to Chengdu, China. Where I decided I was absolutely head over heals in love, and would have married him then and there on top of a mountain. Incidentally we have a forever lock on a chain along the path to the top of a Taoist mountain, with our initials engraved and the date.

Valentines Day is coming up. I have to say, I enjoy this holiday. For me it marks the start of spring. I also think of it a bit like Thanksgiving. I like to think of all the things and all the people I love and why.
I know almost everyone dislikes this holiday, saying "It's only for a select few" or "I don't need to be told to be romantic one day of the year."* Maybe not, but I think it is fun to have that day dedicated to Love. No one is saying you cant do romantic things the rest of the year.
Do most people expect too much out of Valentines Day? Yes probably. I know deep down that I don't need or want the diamond tennis bracelet, but good god in the days surrounding this holiday i sure as hell do.
Have fun, think of all the people and things you love and cherish and don't take it all so seriously.


* I know some girls who were talking about their Valentines plans over a month ago. When i commented that they seemed excited about it [they both have boyfriends this year], they replied in unison what a shitty holiday it was and so forth. Excuse me, I'm not the one that has plans, knows the days of the week, or what my work schedule for that weekend is before the New Year.

out of my head onto the computer

my work computer has been having issues all week. virus issues.
i had no computer before lunch, and now i am trying to work on something that is taking 45 min to rasterize in Illustrator.
my head hurts. right on schedule for my monthly sinus infection. BOOO.
i just really feel not good today.
i got my bonus check at work today. since its a bonus i want to do something fun with it. usually we spend it on car repairs.
there are some cowboy boots i have been lusting after for a yr. and a camera that i want badly. travel plans w/ no funding, car repairs, house up-dates.... etc.

We have talked of going to Taiwan this year, to visit friends who are their teaching English. I intensely wish to return to London. its been 10 years since my first trip over seas. I fell in love with London. Even now i look for job opportunity's that would take us there to stay.
i want to go in late February or early march to see the daffodils at Kew Gardens. the museums are amazing, the architecture fantastic and the tea shops plentiful.
I loved it there and i want to share London with Tim.

I think i have come to understand "survivors guilt"- at least on a low level. We know a number of people who seem to have hit rough patches in their personal relationships lately. its hard knowing that you are madly in love and in a fantastic marriage, while knowing so many others are miserable. there is nothing you can say - or should say that can help them find happiness, but you don't want to throw your own happiness in their face.
2010 has started out really good for us, and i hope that everyone else we know finds happiness too.

We made meatballs last night.

a pertty darn good month so far.

I've been in a bitchy mood lately. I'm blaming it on hormones.
But really it has been a pretty great month.

I went to my department holiday lunch at the Chop House.
We saw a bunch of family in Seattle over Thanksgiving.
I went to "birthday breakfast" with December birthdays at work.
We went to Vegas [for work] for my birthday [kind of].
We had a great dinner out at Olivea with my parents.
I got a new purse, a new camera, a light up lawn flamingo and a steam mop.
we went to Tim's company holiday party and play a few terrible rounds of pool and came home w/ some chocolate.
We washed our cats.
We bought a Christmas tree.
I had a great weekend at home with the Mr.
I had a department lunch w/ one of our main contractors.
I got 6 Omaha steaks from the same contractor- these will be Christmas Eve dinner for/with our parents.
I had my company holiday party- a catered lunch and raffle prize drawing.
We had dinner a couple different times w/ various friends- which included saying good bye to some friends moving to Taiwan.
In Theory i now have a record player.
i bought a giant red bow to go on a Christmas gift.
i am excited to have some fun Christmas surprises up my sleeve.

Next up:
we have a party w/ friends from out of town on Wednesday.
Thursday I'm watching White Christmas w/ my mom and mom in law.
we are having dinner w/ our parents.
we are having Christmas morning w/ my folks, and Christmas afternoon w/ Tim's- maybe a movie?
Tim's sister is visiting, and she has planned a fun Christmas dinner for the day after.
We are going to the Khan exhibit at the History museum.
We are hosting a big ol' New Years Eve bash.

woooooooooo!

I am and we are truly blessed. I am so glad we can spend this time w/ our family and friends.

I love you. xoxxo

i'm deaf, not blind

just because i don't hear the conversation, doesn't mean i don't know whats going on.
I'm sorry, but there is a thing as being too polite. it involves never having an opinion and being afraid of your opinion. it often leads to lack of personality and wishy washyness.
i cant stand this. its fine if you truly don't care what movie we see or where we go to lunch, but then i don't want to hear later that you had already seen it, or wish we had eaten somewhere else.
i swear, some times i feel like i am in middle school again. everyone's in a clique, and I'm not in any of them. we are all friendly to one another- more or less, but i am never actually part of the group. always just 3 steps to the left.

it continues to surprise me how much people avoid reviling anything about them selves. they are afraid to have a favorite food or talk about what they did over the weekend. .. and no one ever wants to take the time to really talk, about anything.

i find that i am often too girly, or not girly enough.

and i know its stupid. and i know it really doesn't matter. but it all drives me nuts just the same.

moving forward

I've been in a bit of a funk the last few weeks.
i know is Christmas time and I'm excited and yet, i just don't car of we get a tree or get it decorated. that's not normal. getting a tree is my absolute favorite thing during the holiday season.
my birthday came and went and it never really felt like a birthday. really i think it was one of my better birthdays because i wasn't anticipating anything so nothing went wrong. i didn't even care that we spent several hours too many in the airport.
my husband was nice enough to buy me a new purse, even though he doesn't have the damnedest idea why i needed or wanted one. we had Hawaiian themed hamburgers inside a casino and a bazaar sushi dinner at another casino. my parents got me a new camera- one we have been needing- the last camera i bought was in 2002 and Tim's was only a year newer than that.i realize that camera should and do last longer than that. my SLR is from the early 80s. but these were from the beginning of the small point and shoot development.
we also had a great dinner at Olivea with my parents last night. a long, loud dinner. but delicious.

I'm pissed at the cats. they have been in and on everything. the dry food keeps getting left out and the cats have figured out how to get into it [i swear its not me because i have cleaned it up 5 days in a row]. also we cant keep the door to the craft room open because Kabuki is in and on and eating everything she is no supposed to be. i don't know what it is about that room, she doesn't do it in the rest of the house.
I'm pretty positive that a lot of it has to do with us being away from home so much in the last few weeks. even with a house sitter they are still disgrunted about us being gone.

I'm glad to be home this weekend and settle back into the house.

maybe I'll even finish moving the pumpkins off the front porch.

list

i keep meaning to blog but i don't have any thing terribly interesting to say.

we bought a new couch. the first in furniture purchases as adults. and its new.
we found a cat at pets mart that i really really want to adopt, but we wont.
we bout a new tooth brush.
we got a nasty computer virus that has resulted in the recent install of windows 7.
we went to a birthday dinner that was a continuation of attempting but rarely meeting new people while reconnection w/ people we know and didn't know other friends also know.
we went to the zoo for the busiest free day EVER.
we found out there are more car repairs to be had in the somewhat distant future.
i am starting to feel crappy again and wish we could get to the root of these chronic sinus infections.
we will be watching RMRG in their first nationals tournament. [they play Huston today at 3:15 Mountain Standard Time- see them live on DNN.COM]
we get to see our friend Mary from Pittsburgh who is in town for a programmers convention of something- which will result in tacos and the ChildsPlay fundraiser.
we are headed to Seattle for thanksgiving week- and are super excited about it.
we are then headed to Las Vegas for work and my birthday. and I am super excited about it.
we need to clean up the Halloween stuff and get the jack-o-lanterns off the front porch.
i found boots and a scarf at old navy yesterday that i love... also a shirt at gap....
i admit i love black and red buffalo check
i am excited about the holidays. i do really love them.
if it snows this weekend i am watching White Christmas.
i need to take movies back to the library.
i road my scooter yesterday. i did not ride nearly enough this year. i am sad about that.
i found a bunch of holes in my sweater this morning after i got to work.
prof. cheeto cat put holes in my new shirt last night.
our friend had a WarHammer cake for his birthday. it rocked.
i really hope that metallic printing cost the same as the regular colors.
thank god for surf shops and brands. makes it easier to work on Summer.
i need to tell Christine that i will buy a top hat from her.
i wonder if i should take my galoshes to Seattle. I've never seen it rain there- always sunny and dry.
i wonder what i should have for lunch.... mmmmmmmm lunch....

hummm...

Received news recently that some friends are moving to Taiwan in mid Nov. they got an offer to teach English. so if anyone is looking for or knows some one looking for an apartment, they are looking for someone to sublet until the lease ends in March. They are near Denver West and i think rent is around $850 a month. 2 bed + garage.

I am officially claiming it to be Prof. Cheeto's Birthday. As of September he is about 1 yr. old. [and adorable as ever.] i will try to get a new photo of him. hopefully one that does not have him running away or looking terrified.

Tim and i started talking about Halloween this weekend. We are excited that it is on a Saturday, so there is time for a whole weekend of party's, costumes and other goodness. I realized recently that i have never been a cat or a witch for Halloween. i was once a PuppyKittyButerfly, but that is as close as i got. i don't remember all my costumes but here are the ones i do remember:
my little pony, ballerina, puppykitttybuterfly, Indian, lobster, surfer, dead gardener [everyone thought i was a crappy scarecrow.], a court jester, a vampire, annnd... some assorted combinations courtesy of goodwill. cant remember what else. i feel that my gold lamae leggings need to be worked into a costume at some point that weekend.

sheesh

yet again, too much going on this weekend. how does this happen? i have things i need to do as well as the ones i want to do. and i need more than 2 days.

rumble rumble.

stuff going on.
bluh.

wanted to say something about it. but now i'm here. and i really don't.

sometimes its good to have that talk with someone, that they have changed. especially if you can distinctly point out what has changed. its so easy to forget. for changes to get "normal" when really they are not. its usually not a fun conversation to have. but its a good one.

we think i might have sleep apnea. that would explain a lot of things.
need to reschedule at the TCM clinic too, the acupuncture a few weeks ago really helped.
i need to be moer on top of taking care of my self.

can wait for this semester to be over. there are so many things i want to do. but its easy to get in over my head. Derby is requiring more of my time than i had originally thought it would. and that toppled with having a class a few days a week, working 40hrs and playing soccer.. is just... too much for me. i'm an intorvert. i like to be home. and i dont like having my weekends planned out 2 months in advance. [oh yeah, i'm in a wedding this spring too, and there are many ongoings with that.]


on a high note: we have waffles this week. yum.

sigh

grouchy day.
anyone keeping track- the headache kicked in at 3:34... it is 6:46- i still have it.

missed derby tonight. bad mood. needed to get my art project done. its due tomorrow. i still feel- grudgingly- that grades are important. that does not mean that i am any less stubborn, or willing to follow directions.

will have to try to make derby tomorrow after class.

i have always loved used pallets and paper towels from art projects. always wanted to save them and frame them. maybe i should just get into the habit of photographing them. it would be much easier and more likely to happen than my train art photography project. and i have wanted to do the photo a day project, but have not. maybe if i had a web cam and could just click it every morning when i eat breakfast.



went to the TCM Clinic yesterday. basically they told me to "sweet jesus, stay the fuck away from gluten," and come back in 2 weeks. i am willing to listen to them. time to get more serious. time for Tim to eat the rest of the jalapenio poppers.- i call dibs on the tater-tots though.
oh grouchyness... leave me alone.
now i need to go see my doc. so they can refer me to the sleep center. time to get checked out for sleep apnea. wheee....
and the night guard will not be covered by the insurance. thank you mr. dentest. i really didnt want to do something fun with the tiney extra i make this yr. from my raise.

tired.

i'm tired of being "sick"

i'm tired of being grouchy

i'm tired fo people telling me theres nothing wrong when, clearly, something is.

i'm tired of not knowing whats going on.
do this: put in ear plugs, then put on your head phones - just white noise- quiet talk radio or something. now walk around all day. don't take them off. go out to dinner, go to a party, go to a movie. now, be in the conversation. quickly recover from commenting on a completely different conversation. ha ha wasn't that funny. great. do it again 7 or 8 times.
repeat tommorw- indefinatly. enjoy yourself and stay in good humor.

photos

i have noticed recently, that i recognize my self less and less in photographs. i don't know if its getting older, or what. probably you would look at theses and say "yep, that you." but i find myself a little bit surprised every time. these are all from the last couple months.

woe is me

We all do things that annoy others. Sometimes its giving un-solicited advice, a personality trait or an un-intentionally wrong comment.

most often I catch my self as I saw the wrong thing- and try to apologize for it coming out wrong. I have a co-worker that routinely says nasty things and trys to pass them off as "sarcasm." i have another co-worker who holds grudges for at least a yr. some times you know why- sometimes you don't. There are a few others that are office favorites for their sparkling personality and amazing work. [some of which others of us are asked to correct on the side so that no one knows.] they don't like some one new- so now i can no longer eat lunch with them.
another girl, i think of as a friend, is also friends with a girl from another department, who appears to tolerate me.
we talk about being annoyed about constantly being snubbed for lunch outings and so forth, yet then she snubs me too.

this is only the social side of office politics.

most people reading by now, know that i really don't care for my company or a number of the people i work with. Despite that, i try to be friendly and good tempered with everyone. i hate playing games.

for the most part i like most of these people. I very much miss going to lunch once a week or two with the group. i don't expect to be best friends with anyone- its obvious we are in some very different social circles, but I am trying to have a good working relationship and some work buddies.

I have in the last number of months backed off of a number of people. which is to say, that i don't make an effort to start regular conversations with them. coincidentally, most of them pretty much never talk to me.

i was in better standing with several people until 2 girls were hired last spring. then i was grouped over with them. i thought it would blow over in 5 or 6 months. but it hasn't. things seem to continue to diminish.

I am disappointed in my self for caring so much about politics and being liked. i am also disappointed in people i thought i was on good terms with, for being so cliquish.

fun fun family fun time

Monday we took the days off, planning to run around with the family- as T's uncle and cousin are in town for the week.

Uncle T got sick, so we took the kids [and m + d and katie] - Alex, Mr. k and the Bean to red rocks and Casa Bonita.

Alex took LOTS of pictures. hopefully i will see some of them some time. they had fun running around, up and down the stairs, until everyone complained of being hungry.
Originally we were headed to Casa Bonita because Uncle T had never been , and frankly it was his only chance to go with us. i don't care if he was sick in bed with a fever.

i think we spent somewhere between 2 hr and an an eternity there. kids had fun. i was surprised at how crowded it was for a monday afternoon.

it now appears that Alex is sick- and tim and i wernt feeling great this morning either. feel like i'm about to be sick, hopefully it will just go away and not manifest i like to spend my weekends not sick.

i feel this blog entry would be more interesting if i had the pictures to accompany it.

whirlwind

this has been a confusing week. I have had a very hard time keeping my days strait, and i'm behind on a number of things.

i got locked in my bedroom last night when the door knob fell off. i managed to get the door open with out having to resort to climbing out the window.

Ch.7 sent a reporter and camera man to our practice last night. the reporter choose to be on skates. I think he did really well considering that he couldn't remember the last time he was on skates and that he was wearing 2nd hand roller rink skates. it is supposed to air Sunday at 10 during the sports segment. i have no idea if this is 10am or 10 pm.

i need new wrist guards- my cheap ones are falling apart.

I'm also trying to get together an outfit for the MyLifeLine.org benifet foundraiser next week.
my brother and sister-in-law will be speaking at the event.

all i can say is, thank god its thursday.